October 15th was National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and it also marks the one year date of our miscarriage. Last year, this month was marked by excitement and planning, quickly followed by disappointment and grief. A whole lot of grief. I spent the rest of 2013 going through the motions, doing what needed to be done to get by, and spending the evenings curled up next to my broken-legged hubby watching sitcoms to numb the pain.
It’s been both hard and good to welcome this October with an entire year between me and the loss of our first baby. At first I thought I would just curmudgeon my way through the season, trying not to pay attention to the changing leaves and crisp fall air. But instead, I’ve found myself thoroughly enjoying Autumn’s goodness, soaking it in, and letting its beauty seep into the broken places of my heart. I ache for what was not to be, but I am also so grateful for this life we’ve been given, however different it may look from the one we had planned.
This post from Shauna Niequist really reflects where I’m at today. My pain has definitely eased. It is present, but not invasive. And I think a lot of my healing came from finally being able to share our story with family and friends, and then all of you. You all helped carry me, and it lightened the load. Please don’t feel like you have to carry the pain of a miscarriage alone. There are lots of people who would be honored to love and care for you, myself included.
Sarah Bessey also wrote a post this month about what it’s like to be pregnant again after several miscarriages. Her writing is so beautiful and so vulnerable. I cried my way through the whole thing. As we think about trying to get pregnant again after our miscarriage, I’m filled with the same odd mix of hope, excitement, doubt, and anxiety she describes. But I’m going to cling to this phrase, “The same part of us that worries is the part of us that prays.” Amen.
All that said, October has really been a fun, beautiful, adventure-filled month for us. We finally finished our bedroom reno and moved into our new bedroom (I’ll try to share some pics next month!). We went camping again, I spent a few days in Cleveland with blogger friends and the American Dairy Association, we checked out multiple cider mills, and I bought more apples than any sane person ever should. Because #fall. Here are some of my favorite pics from the month!
The Mr. and I spent a weekend with friends in Michigan checking out cider mills and tromping through corn mazes. Do we look cornfused?? Har-har.
This was the view from the place we stayed:
And this was the view for my mouth:
While in Cleveland I got to meet these lovely ladies:
Get a bite of this:
And step foot on the grass of the Cleveland Browns Stadium!! (More on all of those things coming soon!)
Oh yeah, and my husband became a professional hockey player. Just kidding! It’s e-league. But he’s still a stud.
I love fall, because basically it means I get to wear cardigans and plaid every day. I would live in this outfit if wearing the same clothes every day wasn’t frowned upon by polite society.
I’m also working on setting up a desk area for myself that’s actually organized, neat, and a nice place to get work done. This is my inspiration. I mean, just look at that organization! Isn’t it lovely?
Green Bean Casserole Patty Melt from Climbing Grier Mountain (How genius is this??)
Provolone, Mushroom, and Potato Gratin from Garnish with Lemon (CHEEEEEESE!)
Maple Latte from Jelly Toast (How I want to start every fall morning).
Pan Sauteed Brussels Sprouts with Caramelized Onions and Bacons from Joyful Healthy Eats (AKA: How you get anyone to eat brussels sprouts)
My most popular post this month was these dreamy Caramel Apple Cider Floats. They’re so easy to make and ridiculously good. Drink one before it’s 30 degrees outside.
Oh, and just one more link before I leave. I’m smitten with this Anne of Green Gables inspired wedding. You think I could convince the Mr. to get married again?
Happy November everyone! Catch you on the flip side of turkey month!