An Announcement + All the Thoughts on Growing a Human

I’ve been keeping a little secret the past few months, and I’m about ready to bust! I’m so happy to finally be able to let you all in on the very best news. We are expecting a baby!

We are thrilled, terrified, excited, anxious, and overwhelmed with gratitude and joy. I’ve been itching to talk to you about all things baby, which means I’ve got 14 weeks of stored up observations and side notes for you. I promise this blog won’t become a baby blog. The focus here will always be on food, but I hope you’ll indulge me for a bit as I share all the thoughts on growing a human so far. I promise I’ll break it up with pictures of our dog and baby shoes. GAH! Baby shoes and puppies?! Can  you even stand the cuteness?! Okay, here goes!

Week 4-Week 5: Feeling ALL THE FEELINGS. YAY! We’re pregnant! Ahhh! We’re pregnant! This is crazy! What are we doing? This is awesome! OMG!

Week 6-9: The nausea begins. I did not have morning sickness. I had “I-feel-progressively-worse-with-every-passing-minute-of-the-day-sickness.” I generally felt pretty good in the mornings, but by late afternoon I was struggling. The sense of smell women talk about during pregnancy? IT’S A REAL THING. I swear I could smell when someone opened the refrigerator from several rooms away. I thought for sure something terrible was rotting in there, so I forced politely asked the Mr. to clean it out. The culprit was never found, and now I realize the food wasn’t the problem, but my weird pregnancy nose was.

All in all, I didn’t have it nearly as bad as others. I never actually got sick (throwing up is right up there with having emergency surgery in the “list of things I’d like to do today”) and I was able to eat as long as I didn’t think about eating, have to make something for myself to eat, or smell the thing I was eating. I also happened to be experimenting with a gluten free diet during this time, which meant that for about a month I survived on popsicles, Rice Krispies, and take out. I made a total of 4 recipes in the entire month, and I’ll be honest, the few things I did manage to make, edit, and post on the blog still make me a bit nauseous to look at. Sorry, Balsamic Chicken Skillet, but you’ll never be the same after this.

Week 10- My symptoms disappear, and I PANIC. There are so many things about pregnancy that are completely counter-intuitive. Oh, your boobs don’t hurt and your stomach doesn’t feel like it’s in constant revolt? Something is probably terribly wrong!! You mean you haven’t gained any weight yet? You should definitely worry yourself sick by googling it and reading forums filled with every horror story you can possibly imagine.

Luckily, week 10 was also when we got our first ultrasound. I was an absolute basket case in the Dr.’s office, and it didn’t help that we waited an entire hour for the Dr. to show up. There’s nothing quite so vulnerable as being pants-less and scared out of your mind in a sterilized room. But, let me tell you, every last moment of panic, worry, and sickness was worth it when we got to hear our sweet baby’s heartbeat and see it squirming around like a little ninja. That was one of the coolest things I’ve experienced in my life, ever. What a gift!

Week 11- I develop a ridiculous craving for cream cheese. I don’t care what vehicle it arrives on, I just need cream cheese delivered to my mouth in mass quantities. I had cream cheese on bagels, on crackers, on toast, on a spoon (sorry/not sorry). One night, the Mr. and I fell asleep talking about how AMAZING cream cheese is, and the next morning he got up early to surprise me with a bag full of Einstein’s bagels and cream cheese schmears. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved him more.

Week 11-Now- I’m feeling strangely normal these days. My energy levels have (mostly) returned, my appetite has definitely returned, and I’m still wearing the same clothes (though I do confess to unbuttoning that top button from time to time). At times it’s hard to believe there’s a little human inside me. I can’t wait until I can start feeling it’s tiny little kicks and squirms. Until then, I’m getting by on gazing at the ultrasound picture, and remembering the strong thump-thump of that heartbeat.

Honestly, this has been a difficult journey in many ways. As many of you know, I had a miscarriage over a year ago, so I entered into this pregnancy with a trunk full of worry, apprehension, and fear. I thought once I got past the first trimester, I would be able to stop worrying, but that hasn’t been the case. Instead, the worry is simply redirected. I (for the most part) have stopped worrying about losing the baby, and instead have focused on worrying about the baby being healthy, about giving birth, about something going wrong, about having enough money, about getting the nursery done, about KEEPING A TINY HUMAN ALIVE! GAH!

This has been a huge test of my faith. I have daily had to surrender these worries and fears. I finally realized I can either commit to living the rest of my life bearing the burden of worry, or I can give it over to Jesus, trust Him to take care of me and my family, and live in freedom and peace. I’m trying (not always succeeding) at choosing the latter. When I find myself fretting, I go back to these verses in Matthew 6.

“Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you.”

Well, y’all, I’ve spilled the beans and then some! Thank you for listening and for celebrating with us. I’ll be back later this week with some sweets for your Valentine, but first one last picture. Oscar’s still trying to figure this out, but I’m pretty certain he’s going to be a great big brother.